Summary: This page introduces the main ideas behind my approach, explaining why we feel the way we do and the simple daily steps that change those feelings.
Why We Feel the Way We Do
Have you ever wondered why some things make you really upset, but they do not seem to bother other people? Or why there are things about you that you don’t like but can’t seem to change? The answer often goes back to childhood. Your early experiences helped build a kind of ‘map’ in your brain that shapes how you feel and act today.
For example:
If you were ignored a lot as a baby, you might feel very angry or sad when people do not listen to you now.
If your caregivers were very strict, you might feel like exploding when someone tells you what to do today.
Everyone is different because everyone had different childhood experiences.
Your Imprinted Caregivers
You might think that anyone from your past could cause these strong feelings. But it usually comes only from the people who took care of you during the first six to eight months of your life. Often this is a mother and father. But it could also be a nanny, a grandparent, or an older brother or sister.
In your first months, your brain “imprints” the faces of these caregivers. That is why they affect your emotions so strongly, even many years later.
How to Find Your Imprinted Caregivers
To change your feelings, you first need to figure out which people from your baby years are linked to your emotions.
Here is how:
Get a picture of anyone who cared for you when you were a baby.
Look at the picture and talk to it. Say something personal, or talk about your day.
Notice what you feel. If that person is one of your imprinted caregivers, you will usually feel a stronger emotional reaction than you feel with pictures of people who are not imprinted, like a friend or a younger sibling.
Sometimes a caregiver passed away before you can consciously remember them. Even so, if their picture brings up strong emotions, that means they were one of your imprinted caregivers.
How to Change
Once you find the right pictures, do this:
Spend 5 to 10 minutes talking to the picture.
Say whatever comes to mind. Tell them what you liked, what you did not like, what made you mad, or what hurt.
Do not hold back. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like yelling, yell. Embrace your strong emotions.
People who do this daily usually notice meaningful changes in three to five months, sometimes sooner.
If you do this less often, you'll still change. It just takes longer.
Why Does This Work?
This works through a well known idea called exposure therapy. When the brain feels a strong emotion again and again in a safe situation, that emotion slowly gets weaker.
Think about a person who is afraid of heights. A therapist might have them stand on a high balcony that is completely safe. The more times they do it, the more their fear fades. Their brain learns, “I am safe.”
Talking to a picture works the same way. The picture brings up old feelings, but you are safe. Over time, those old emotions start to fade.
An Important Rule
Only do this with a picture.
Do not try to do this with the actual living person. Your brain won’t feel safe enough to let out all your feelings if that person is actually there. When you use a picture, you’re completely free to be honest and open, without fear.
What Improves?
My introduction page lists many of the positive changes people notice after doing this process. These changes come simply from talking to these pictures and allowing your emotions to change.