Summary:

 When somebody complains about a person or life in general, the heart of the complaint describes either a person whose face is imprinted or the emotional environment they experienced as a child.

Here are some examples:

1. If someone says, "People don't accept me for who I am," I might ask, "Who didn't accept you for who you were when you were a child?" I'd likely hear the name of someone whose face is imprinted.

2. If someone says, "She only thinks about herself" I might ask, "Who in your childhood only thought about themselves?" I'd likely hear the name of someone whose face is imprinted.

3. People who say "Things are beyond my control. It's like I'm just following a script," will likely think that during their childhood, things seemed beyond their control and they felt like they were just following a script.

4. If someone says "The world is a rotten place", I would ask what it is about the world that makes it a rotten place. They might say, "it's chaotic and unpredictable." They will then likely agree that their childhood was chaotic and unpredictable.

What qualifies as a complaint:

1. Complaints come from emotion, not intellect. The person must feel upset in some way for it to count as a complaint.

2. The language must reflect the person’s own thoughts. If they’re simply repeating what others have said, their are language may not describe their childhood experience.

Heart of the complaint

The "heart of the complaint" refers to an unexaggerated, relatively specific description of what the person is complaining about. Sometimes, people who are upset use strong language or exaggerated generalizations. For example, someone might say "She's really screwed up!" That is a complaint, but "She's really screwed up" could mean a lot of different things. Asking, "What makes her really 'screwed up'?" might lead to a response such as, "She only thinks about herself." That more specific statement is likely the heart of the complaint, and therefore likely describes someone whose face is imprinted.

Use exact words

When relating a person's complaints to their childhood experience, the person's exact words must be used. If the person's words are changed, they may not agree that their complaint describes their childhood experience. For instance, someone might say, “I live in a world where I don’t belong.” If you say, “I think you felt unaccepted as a child,” they may disagree. However, if you say, "I suspect that you felt like you didn't belong when you were a child," the person is likely to agree.

Here are three reasons why the above may not seem to work:

1. The person doesn't remember the part of their childhood they are complaining about. However, looking at pictures of the people whose faces are imprinted helps them remember those forgotten parts of their childhood.

2. The heart of the complaint is not obvious. For example, someone might say, “He’s so arrogant!” Asking what makes him arrogant might yield accurate traits—but not the real emotional issue. Instead, the person may feel ignored, which can easily happen when talking to someone who is very arrogant. In this case, the heart of the complaint – being ignored – is never discovered.

3. The person has been taught to always stay positive and not complain. When asked who in their childhood their complaint describes, they revert to being positive and, consequently, don't recall those childhood issues. However, looking at pictures of the people whose faces are imprinted restores those memories and the associated connections.

Note: A complaint about a female may be a complaint about a male whose face is imprinted, and vice-versa.

Why does this happen?

Complaints always describe childhood experience because adult emotions are a replay of baseline emotions acquired early in life. When an adult encounters a situation, the brain instantly compares it to childhood experiences it perceives as similar, and the baseline emotions stored during those early experiences are evoked. Those emotions bring with them the beliefs originally linked to them in childhood. The complaint that follows is an expression of those beliefs. Although it appears to describe a present-day problem, the complaint is actually a description of what the person experienced in childhood.

This also explains why different people often react so differently to the exact same situation. Each person’s brain is comparing the present moment to their own unique set of baseline emotions and beliefs. When those underlying patterns differ significantly, the emotions that are evoked and the meaning assigned to the situation will differ just as sharply.