Summary

When somebody complains about a person or life in general, the heart of the complaint describes:

1. A person from childhood whose face is imprinted.

2. The emotional environment they experienced as a child.

Examples

1. 1. If someone says, "People don't accept me for who I am," ask, "Who didn't accept you for who you were when you were a child?" The answer often names someone whose face is imprinted.

   2. If someone says, "She only thinks about herself," ask, "Who in your childhood only thought about themselves?" You’ll likely hear the name of someone whose face is imprinted.

   3. Complaints like "Things are beyond my control. It's like I'm just following a script" often reflect childhood experiences where life felt beyond their control and scripted.

   4. If someone says, "The world is a rotten place," ask what makes it rotten. If they say, “It’s chaotic and unpredictable,” they’ll often agree their childhood felt the same way.

What Qualifies as a Complaint:

1. 1. A complaint arises from emotion, not intellect. The person must feel upset for it to count as a complaint.

   2. The language must reflect the person’s own thoughts. Simply repeating what others say may not accurately describe their own childhood experience.

Finding the Heart of the Complaint

1. 1. The heart of a complaint is a specific, non-exaggerated description of the issue.

   2. People may use strong, vague language, such as "She's really screwed up." Asking, "What makes her seem ‘screwed up’ to you?" may produce something more precise, like "She only thinks about herself." That more specific statement is likely the heart of the complaint, and it usually describes someone whose face is imprinted.

Using Exact Words

1. 1. When linking a complaint to a person’s childhood experience, use their exact words. If the person's words are changed, they may not agree that their complaint describes their childhood experience.

   2. For example, someone might say, “I live in a world where I don’t belong.” If you say, “I think you felt unaccepted as a child,” they may disagree. However, if you say, "I suspect that you felt like you didn't belong when you were a child," the person is likely to agree.

Why It Sometimes Doesn’t Seem to Work

1. The person doesn’t remember the part of their childhood they are complaining about.

• However, looking at pictures of the people whose faces are imprinted helps them remember those forgotten parts of their childhood.

• Sometimes, early experiences shape lasting emotional patterns before a child is old enough to form permanent memories. For example, if parents were strict during a child’s earliest years, the child may become cautious and obedient as a result. By the time the child is old enough to remember events, the need for discipline may have faded and the parents’ behavior may have become gentler and more accepting. As an adult, the person remembers parents who were fair or even kind, but the emotions incorporated into their personality during those forgotten early years still remain. Without memory of those formative experiences, it can seem to the adult that their complaints are not about anyone from childhood. In these cases, looking at pictures of people whose faces are imprinted may bring up the emotions behind these complaints, even if the person still cannot remember the original experiences that caused them.

2. The heart of the complaint is not obvious.

• For example, someone might say, “He’s so arrogant.” Asking what makes him arrogant might yield accurate traits, but not the real emotional issue. Instead, the person may feel ignored, which can easily happen when talking to someone who is very arrogant. In this case, the heart of the complaint, being ignored, is never discovered.

3. The person has been taught to always stay positive and not complain.

• • When asked who in their childhood their complaint describes, they revert to being positive and, consequently, do not recall those childhood issues. However, looking at pictures of people whose faces are imprinted restores those memories and the associated connections.

Why Complaints Always Point to Childhood

1. 1. When an adult faces a situation, the brain retrieves similar experiences stored during childhood and interprets the current situation through that lens. Those early experiences determine how the event is understood and which stored beliefs are applied to it.

   2. The resulting complaint reflects those beliefs. It seems to describe the present, but it actually describes experiences stored in the brain from childhood.

Note: A complaint about a woman may be a complaint about a man whose face is imprinted, and vice-versa.